The Frantic Family
by 1-9 tails kyuubi
Summary: Mihawk is the father of his two hell-raising children, Zoro and Perona. Just some one-shots on how this whole thing'll go... Enjoy- no pairings. T for minor language.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a series of one-shots that I envisioned when I read a fanfic called 'The Squatters' that includes what happened with Zoro, Perona, and Mihawk during the two year skip. This, however, will be about the trio as they are a crazy family! Let's see where this leads!**

Mihawk growled; he should be out in the world kicking asses and taking names, not getting caught up yelling at his children and their mindless hell-raising. Said twerps were already escaping the scene, their odd green and pink hair colors distinctly marking their locations in this castle.

Where he stood, a vase had been upturned on the floor with fragments of it scattered and misplaced along the cobblestone floor. 'Time to put their little minds to a test' he chuckled mischievously in his head. He sped down the hall, stopping and finding traces of his children's evacuation through another door leading into a master bath and into his bedroom.

He walked forward silently feigning not to know that there was a little black wire in front of his foot. He fake tripped it and dodged a bucket of water that smacked bottom-side down on the ground.

He stopped, questioning the ingenuity of his children "How the hell did that even work?" He asked outwardly, looking at the wire on the ground and then to the ceiling. The two popped out of the cabinets lining the roof of the restroom, duct tape in their hands streaming from behind them.

The two ran in a circle wrapping up their father to his biceps, and almost tripped on each-other. Mihawk struggled around in his restraints in a fake fashion that the two children mistook as the real thing.

"Alright, our demands are simple! Follow them and we don't destroy your precious pottery!" Zoro exclaimed, his wooden sword had been drawn and angled at Mihawk's neck to which he returned with a worried frown that they, also, mistook as the real thing.

"Number one, I want your sword."

The most ridiculous thing the swordsman ever saw himself doing is handing his precious sword to anybody let alone taking it off his back. He literally slept with it on!

"Number two, you have to train me more!"

That was pretty stupid seeing that he could easily destroy this entire island with one hand when he escaped-no, wanted to. (and his sword of course!)

"Number three… Give Perona.. A cute outfit… Hey, I didn't put that one on there!"

"I did, remember when you said I could put one on."

"I said no such thing!"

The two failed to realize that Mihawk had broken free of his restraints and had his hands slipped behind their backs. Before they could do anything, they were hoisted into the air by their shirts, and carted off to Mihawk's bedroom.

"Fools! You left your guard down!" They squirmed, shouting insults at him and flailing their little arms at his face from their position.

"Frustration won't do you a justice in an actual fight… But a shower sure could, young man." Zoro's eyes widened, the two had been thrown onto the master bed,

"No, anything but that! Perona, help me!" His gaze followed the pink-headed girl to where she giggled against the other side of the room and escaped out the door.

Mihawk chuckled, "Be thankful your sister made it out, but unlike you, she doesn't need a bath." Zoro stopped squirming from his father's grip, and accepted his defeat. "I'll get you one of these days, dad!"

"I'm sure you won't, now get in the shower!" Mihawk smiled, a rare occurrence, and sought out the broom and dustpan.

"I oughta have a maid around this damn place.. I'm a shichibukai for God's sake.." He grumbled, leaving his room.


	2. Chapter 2

Roronoa Zoro was excited. He was immensely excited, and it showed all over him as he bounced around his father like a fly. Today, he was getting his first real sword!

"Dad! You're so cool! Are you kidding? Can I really get my sword today?" These questions repeated again and again until Mihawk silenced him by smacking him over the head.

"You're about to be grounded for a week, now quiet!" He growled inwardly wanting to slice and dice the next thing that appeared in front of him. Tailing from behind them was Perona. He smiled again, "Hey, son, when you're as good as me, you can do… THIS!" He unlatched the sword from his back and halved a building sitting atop a hill far away from the town they were walking in.

Zoro almost exploded with glee when Mihawk added, "Only if you don't bug your father that is." Zoro bowed comically, and Mihawk carried his soldier-like form into the nearest sword shop. The shop owner fell back in his chair, and dropped the newspaper from his hands when he saw Mihawk enter.

Zoro forgot the previous technique and began marveling at all the swords as if he were in a candy shop. "Ooh! I want that one right there! No wait… I want THAT one!" He scuttled over to a glass case where a black katana sat, radiantly drawing Zoro's attention.

The sword itself was bigger than the child and had a skull for a hand-guard with the spine of a human extending the length of the handle. It was laced in crimson ribbon and glowed red.

"Good choice, sunny, that sword has slayed countries of-

"Like hell he's gonna use that!" Zoro's eyes caught ablaze with fire and he turned to his father.

"Don't screw this for me, he's really gonna give it to me!"

"By that, you mean I'm going to buy a 1,000,000 berri display item for you to destroy in one day and complain to me to buy a new one! Shopkeep, what's the worst sword you've got here? I'll take twenty like it." Mihawk narrowed his eyes at the shop keeper tried to push a little further.

"But, daddy, he likes i-

…

"Alright, that'll be 64,000 berri." Zoro whined and began rubbing the display glass longingly.

"Could've been…" He grumbled, and a tear fell from his eye.

"Wait, I'm pretty sure you can make an exception for a shichibukai." Mihawk began to unlatch his sword and the shop-keeper groaned.

"Fine, just take them." He loaded them into a sack and Mihawk put it on his back making him look retarded with an odd bag on his back.

"Wait… Where's Perona!" Mihawk looked around, and Zoro shrugged.

"Didn't you see her walk off like ten minutes ago when we were walking through town?" Zoro said indifferently.

"No, I didn't, and why didn't you say anything you little pipsqueak?" Mihawk tried to keep his voice down, but now his daughter was missing.

"She said she was going to look for something cute…" Mihawk grabbed Zoro and retraced their steps, "I'm such a bad father…" He grumbled.

"Yeah, you are.." Zoro replied but then, for some reason they stopped movement.

"You're gonna tell that to me, who just bought you a surplus of swords?"

"Sure…" Zoro looked away, evident that he was still upset about the other sword.

"Whatever, I will not submit to you!" Mihawk chuckled inwardly that he wouldn't be losing to cuteness.

"There you guys are! Daddy, carry my things will you? My ghosts don't want to anymore." He stood, dumbfounded as a giant bag was dropped onto his back.

"Also, this stuff isn't mine, so you're gonna have to hurry back to the ship so we can escape the marines that followed me."

"Hey, Zoro, want a ride?"

"Sure."

And so there goes his children all safe and sound to the ship the arrived on while he was stuck hauling a ton (Literally) and trying to escape from the Marines. He couldn't get his sword either because it was buried in his daughter's stolen junk.

He almost collapsed in anger but instead reminded himself of a motto he held.

The family door is always unlocked for you to come in until you're in.

For now, he would focus on his escape.


End file.
